Can one be single and still be poly? What about the couple that only wants a third to complete them? That is not poly really is it? To me that is only monogamy in disguise, trying to spice up a marriage that has gone stale. And as I delve into the polyness of life how to separate all the partners/lovers into different groups of poly. Are you his primary, secondary, maybe friends with benefits? How does one define their soul and make those choices? How can you love one person differently from another or can you make that arbitrary distinction?
The making of a "family" from single individuals to a group of semi-cohesive lovers/partners can be immensely difficult. Keeping things in perspective can be down right impossible! And how can one manage to construct these other relationships?
Are you straight or maybe bi? But maybe only bi because your lover has expressed a desire to have a three-way and you want to fulfill his needs over yours. ( For truly we are still subject to the programming we were indoctrinated with as children).
Do we have a closed group as in polyfidelity? Or open relations? And do we think before we get involved with that next person. How many lovers do we want to juggle? Couples together or singley? Singles together or apart? How many close to the hearts can we have? Is there a limit or can love really conquer all?
I have personally practiced many different forms of relationships with others. I have been monogamous several times with different partners. I have been polyfidelitous within a group of people (and boy did that not work!) I have been single and alone for only a year and a half and am learning the real capabilities that I have for the amount of love I can give and receive.
I have been in a group where I was the hub for 4 other people (that was not fun)! I had no time to be me and live my life. I only worked to keep the rest of the group functioning well.
And of your lovers will you be friends with their lovers or more? Will you share commonalities together to form a friendship? Will there be nothing in common other than the lover that you share?
And what of JEALOUSY? That big ugly green monster that rears it's head at the most inopportune moments. Do you know how to handle it or are you able to communicate with your loves about it? Are you getting what you need (or what you perceive that you need)?
Time management the downfall of poly, if you can't do it well, then you've got to learn how to allocate your resources to fit all the needs of your loves in to the schedule.
It seems to me that even with good communication there is still the real possibility of falling flat on one's face. You've got to make communication first and foremost in the relationships to make them work. And everyone else must practice that as well. I can't talk about it just doesn't cut it. That is not an option good or bad.
So my dear friends and lovers all, I will strive for good communication to the best of my ability, and I will hope that you do the same.
In peace and love and light and lust for all,
- around the corner and around the world