Well, I suppose that I should be used to the way my life is but I'm not. That's almost comical in a sad sort of way. I really dislike the holidays because it makes my life that much more sad. I really wish that I understood the way it was supposed to be but I don't. I am always alone in the end and feeling isolated and abandoned. It just serves to remind me that I don't count, that I'm not really worthy of much and generally just a very tiny ant on a big anthill.
I feel that I am always the one seeking out human contact and that most of the time it's a burden to others. I am not sure why since I am truly a nice person and am loving and giving of myself, my time and space and anything else to help.
So why is it that nice girls always finish last and alone. I really dislike being alone, even though I've done it for years. I don't know how to change it and when I try to exact some change in my life it doesn't help. I'm very good at solitaire!
I enjoy being with other people and am secretly dreading the time my daughter will go off to college since then I will truly be oh so much more alone.
Sometimes I feel like I'm buying love from people and that alot of them would stop coming around if I quit doing it.
Is it wrong to think that someone else would think of me and call to chat?
Ah well I guess life will go on none the less.
I hope that everyone had a Happy holiday.
- holidays and any other time of the year!